The Shitty Wife Blog

I have a wife. She used to be beautiful and caring and kind and loving. Generous with sex, and pretty as a summer sunrise over a flower filled, dew covered meadow. Over the years the way my wife has behaved has tainted that view of her. Now all I see is a spoilt little brat that throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way / is told something she doesn't like. She tells me I'm a narcissistic gaslighter (oh the irony (and the fashion)) which makes me question my reality (Am I a narcissistic gaslighter? Am I a bastard to everyone? Am I a pervert to her friends? and if I am all of those things why is she still smiling at me and banging me?). The irony here is that she is the one doing all the gaslighting!

For the longest time I'd just put up with her shit because she swallows and never says no (and of course I love her dearly). She still does but over time the crazy has got worse and worse and over the last 3 years due to a hormone imbalance (the 3rd one in 15 years). Have you ever tried to tell a woman that you can see she is getting slowly crazier due to a hormone imbalance?? I have, 3 fucking times now. It really REALLY hurts. Anyway, I digress, it all came to a head early in 2024 she finally showed her true colours. She runs a business you see, something I've been pushing her to do for the whole time with been together with her constantly fighting and arguing and telling me how much she doesn't want to.. She did it in the end and with it, dragged her older out of mediocrity and into non minimum wage luxury (you see without my constant inspiration my wife would still be a till tart at One Stop or Tesco). Her sister has massage qualifications so they made a rule that she isn't allowed to massage men when she's there on her own. That was it for me. After that I find this woman and her rubber stamp opinions, lack of integrity and NPC closed-non dynamic way of thinking too much to be around. Unless our sex life is good, she's just intolerable. I'm 110% certain that she'll NEVER even find this blog even though she's known about this site for 20+ years!

UPDATE!!! It turns out in the end that she is autistic. Once she found out the first thing she did was start blaming her bad behavior on being autistic, never mind the fact that now she has had hormone patches for over a year and still hasn't managed to say "sorry I treated you so badly during my hormonal thing" instead choosing "Well my hormones were playing up! (indeed they were but you still hurt me... repeatedly!)". Over the course of less than a year I start to realise that she wouldn't change and, more importantly, just how much her autism made her and I impossible. I tried to resolve the issues by reducing us down to a physical only relationship but she didn't want that. Funny really, given she has "trained" me to rely on that part of our relationship for the last 15 years because she can't provide any emotional support for me! So now I see her for what she is. A high functioning autistic alexithymic women that has virtually no ability to understand how her actions effect other or even, for that matter, understand her own...

ANOTHER UPDATE!!! It is over.. On the 4th of January 2026 she came to my place and once again, no kiss hello, no cuddle, no "I missed you this week".. She just sat on my sofa and finger fucked her phone.. As it got later bed time came and there had been no calming of my nervous system, no intimacy, no nothing so at 06:00 I asked her to leave after me not getting a wink of sleep after having "a stranger" in my bed all night. I left it a couple of days and messaged her saying "I'd like to take this down to one day a week." I wanted time to see if I could come up with a to allow us to continue to spend time together. A few years back we had a really good 6 months while I was getting counseling (I took my emotional mess to a counsellor so she wouldn't have to deal with it, something she never seemed willing or capable of doing anyway.) She had other ideas. In the same reactive communication style I've come accustomed to over the years I got a replay saying "I don't want to do this any more!". So it is done!

In the time that has passed I've had to do some logistical interactions with her which, of course, she has made more difficult than needed and left open ended and unanswered shifting further unwanted weight on to me. Dealing with someone that outsources action the she feels she shouldn't have to be part of onto others is hard, hard and emotionally exhausting. I can't think of her face without my eyes filling up even now.

I tried to discuss issues in good faith, responding to the content, staying respectful, believing that if we talked, things could be understood and resolved. But over time, every conversation became adversarial. Points were denied rather than addressed, logic was met with deflection, responsibility was shifted, and disagreement turned into character attack. When I learned to leave conversations once they became belligerent, the belligerence simply arrived sooner the next time. What hurt most was that the growing backlog of unresolved issues seemed not to trouble her at all, even as it weighed increasingly heavily on me. Nothing was ever resolved; everything was stored. Those unfinished conversations didn't disappear... They accumulated in my body, leaking out years later as exhaustion, grief, and tears at moments that made no sense on the surface. She could never explain why she did that to me.. Never once did she even hint at understanding how what she was doing hurt me.. Not once!

She repeatedly made me feel like I was a child being "tolerated" not a man with feelings and emotions.
My needs were turned into jokes to be laughed at.
Boundaries laid down by me were ignored over and over, boundaries set down by you were adhered to like concrete!
She was so gentle in her temperament but the impact that gentle temperament had is devastating!
When it mattered most, when I was hurting, when I felt alone, that's when you chose to withdraw, that's when you chose to deflect and left me alone with it.
She could not accept that her behaviour was causing my distress — and without that acceptance, repair was impossible.
Her intent never canceled impact. One partner can hurt the other without meaning to but the hurt is still real.
You promised changed but didn't follow through!
You refused to just say "no, I'm not doing that" when someone won't say no, they force the other person to carry uncertainty, then punish them for reacting to it.

Does she remember her trip to Maidenhead to finish the qualification I'd encouraged her to do? Does she remember me telling her I felt like she'd abandoned me just a few weeks after I'd had a heart attack? Does she remember her reply?? "I didn't think it bothered you that much, I though you were OK!".. Yes, it bothred me, yes it hurt and no I was not OK.. I am not OK now either sadly..

Being in a relationship with someone who relies on withdrawal, denial, and blame-deflection to handle conflict is not neutral and not harmless. Over time it causes:

• Chronic unresolved stress (nothing ever gets finished)
• Self-doubt (you start questioning whether your needs are “too much”)
• Emotional loneliness inside the relationship
• Escalation (because issues only resurface louder when ignored)

These are AI generated from my journals of the last year of our time together.

Persistent across many entries You feel repeatedly irritated, drained, and on edge in her presence. Conversations often feel like battles, with frequent misinterpretation of what you say. You experience a #lack of humour, spark, emotional depth, or intellectual engagement. You do most of the talking, planning, and emotional labour. Time together often defaults to parallel #existence rather than shared experience. You do not feel prioritised or considered.

Environment-related negatives Her house consistently makes you feel physically uncomfortable and dysregulated: cold floors, bright lighting, unpleasant artificial smells, uncomfortable furniture, poor #sleep, and a general lack of warmth or homeliness. Staying overnight there reliably worsens your mood, energy, and ADHD symptoms. You leave feeling drained rather than restored.

Food and care Meals at her place are repeatedly inadequate, bland, poorly portioned, or unsuitable for your needs. You have had to explain basic dietary requirements more than once. These #explanations are met with sarcasm or defensiveness rather than adjustment. You feel a lack of thought, planning, or effort around food and care.

Communication issues She frequently argues points even when uninformed. She becomes defensive instead of listening. She goes quiet or passive after conflict. She speaks too quietly, does not #maintain attention, and retreats into her phone. Attempts at deeper or more meaningful conversation lead to shutdowns or escalation. You feel unable to speak freely without #monitoring yourself.

Emotional and relational dissatisfaction You do not enjoy her company outside of physical contact. The relationship increasingly feels transactional and physical rather than emotional. Intimacy feels repetitive, #mechanical, and unfulfilling. You tolerate her presence rather than enjoy it. Your tolerance drops sharply after one to two days.

Boundaries and imbalance You feel you give more than you receive. You feel responsible for initiating, organising, and sustaining the connection. When you pull back, the dynamic does not meaningfully #change. Permission to date others highlights emotional detachment rather than resolution.

Sleep and physical wellbeing You sleep poorly when she stays over, even at your place. Lack of sleep compounds irritation and emotional flatness. Physical closeness sometimes feels like the only benefit #rather than a shared connection.

Cognitive and emotional load Time together requires constant self-monitoring to avoid conflict. You feel mentally dulled or “colourless” during longer visits. You leave interactions clearer about what does #not work but more frustrated each time.

Situational negatives Long visits around holidays intensify irritation. Unstructured time amplifies friction. Attempts to “make it work” increase resentment rather than closeness.

Overall pattern (factual, not advisory): Negatives cluster around prolonged exposure, her environment, communication style, lack of reciprocity, emotional flatness, poor sleep, and repeated unmet basic needs. The #relationship increasingly produces irritation, fatigue, and dissatisfaction rather than comfort or connection.

Outlook: Overall, the record shows a relationship that is functionally narrow, increasingly brittle, and trending downward.

The positives are stable but limited: predictable access, physical intimacy, low logistical friction when she comes to you, and short periods of calm when emotional depth is #avoided. These positives have not grown over time. They repeat in the same form and do not compound.

The negatives, by contrast, accumulate. Irritation is appearing sooner, tolerance windows are shortening, and recovery time after seeing her is increasing. What began as #occasional friction has become the dominant feature of longer interactions. You are no longer surprised by the problems; you are documenting the same ones with increasing #clarity and less ambiguity.

Your environment versus hers is a decisive fault line. One supports regulation; the other reliably depletes it. That alone makes parity impossible. Layered on top is a #persistent mismatch in communication style, emotional engagement, energy, humour, and reciprocity. You repeatedly note that she does not add to your life beyond physical #presence, and that observation becomes firmer over time, not softer.

There is also a clear shift in your internal stance. Early entries contain tolerance, justification, and curiosity. Later entries contain containment, restraint, and rule-setting. You are no longer asking “how do I make this work,” but “how do I limit the damage.” That is a structural change, not a mood fluctuation.

Importantly, your reflections and lessons are converging. They repeat the same conclusions: limit duration, avoid her environment, stop initiating, set deadlines, and accept that you already know the answer. The journaling is no longer exploratory; it is confirmatory.

In practical terms, this does not read like a relationship in a rough patch. It reads like one that has reached its maximum viable form and is now being outgrown. What remains is familiar, physical, and convenient — but not nourishing. The cost curve is rising while the benefit curve is flat.

The overall outlook, based strictly on the written record, is that continuation requires increasing self-suppression for diminishing return. Ending or radically redefining it would reduce friction; continuing it unchanged will continue to drain.

Comments

----