Children and Paying for the choices we make...
Traditionally the choice to have children is a joint decision between man and woman. For what ever reasons the man and the woman decide the world needs a mini them. They live happily ever after brining up a balanced well rounded and healthy child together.
In some case the relationship between the man and the woman breaks down over time and they separate but the choice to have children was still a joint one. In these cases care usually defaults to the mother (instead of the parent whom is best suited to bringing up child which would make more sense) and the father ends up paying maintenance to the mother to help bring up the child. The decision to split is not normally a joint one, normally one party or the other has instigated the separation for one reason or another but the choice to have children was a joint one!
More increasingly in modern times the choice to have children is no longer a joint decision. It is a choice made by the woman and, as some women can be, they will do ANYTHING to get what they want. In these situations the woman has all the advantages because there is no legal precedent for a man to force a woman to abort a child that he does/did not want. They both consented to sex but one did not consent to having a child, this is an important fact to bare in mind so I'll repeat it in bold. They both consented to sex but one did not consent to having a child!. When this sentence is spun the other way around and a woman does not consent to sex a man can find himself thrown in jail for an extend period of time (7 years in the UK).
If, like me, you are capable of critical thinking you will see a major flaw in the current system. A man can be sent to jail for having sex with a woman without her consent but a woman can find herself in a financially advantageous position for having a child without a man's consent.
So, back to the original problem. A couple meet at a club or pub, they consent to sex, the woman finds her self pregnant and claims she is keeping the baby whether he likes it or not. Another example: A couple in a long term relationship have regular sex, the woman has decided she wants a baby and has consulted her partner whom replied with a resounding NO. The woman takes it upon herself to stop taking her contraceptive pill without telling the man and falls pregnant and once again claims she is keep the baby whether he likes it or not. Imagine the second example, the man has stood by the woman even though he didn't want this child, he has decided to do "the right thing" and, knowing that he can no longer trust he partner with contraception buys a cash and carry load of condoms. After a period of time the woman once again falls pregnant and the only thing the confused man can do (his suspicions point to condom sabotage) is to stay or leave.. This is, when push comes to shove, the only choice a man has in any of these examples. To stay or leave.
Staying with someone that has made a life changing choice for the both of you and ignored your opinions is not easy but a lot of men will do exactly that because unlike women, most men have the fortitude to stand by the choices they have made rather than blame others. In a one night stand they try to make peace with the woman but over time realise it was not meant to be. In a long term relationship the trust between the two has been shattered and will never be the same again. If you choose to stay you get to spend your life seeing your child grow (which is a reward in it's self) but you also have to live with someone you don't truly trust any more. You get to benefit from your financial input by living in the family home, holidaying, enjoying gift giving at Christmas and birthdays.
Leaving someone that has made a life changing choice for the both of you but ignored your opinions is, in most cases, right thing to do. You can never trust this person again, not fully anyway and you'll always be living in the shadow of a child you didn't want and, more importantly, the fact that she might do it (or something else) again! If you leave she will, at some point utter the words "pay for your kids" as if a child is some commodity to be bought and sold, she will forget that you tried your damned hardest to make things work with her but could not continue to deal with her constantly increasing demands and selfish attitude to the whole situation. She will eventually, when you refuse to sleep with her, when she runs out of money to go shopping or partying, when she meets a new man (always a classic, they take on someone else's kids then immediately start trying to get the woman to get the father to "pay for the kids"), when you get a well paid job, set the child support people on you and you WILL be made to pay. Child support will not care one iota if she actually needs the money (my ex afforded 10 days in Turkey and 2 festival weekends in ONE MONTH whilst my wife and I ate beans and rice), they will not care that paying might make you homeless or cost you your job (currently I can barely afford to go to work).. All they will care about it making you "pay for your kids"
There are a few things that could easily be done to balance this situation. But no one will want to because that would bring equality in child birth. We could give men the right to legally sign off of the responsibility of a child. We could invest as much money in male contraceptive pills (so we can still bareback) as we do in breast cancer. More importantly than this we could modify the sex ed curriculum to include these points and reinforce that fact that it is morally reprehensible to give someone a child they didn't want! I think the best way to stop this from happening is to make giving a man a child he didn't want as socially unacceptable as rape or child sex offences! Like rape and child sex offences a child you didn't want is a life long sentence!
If you find yourself in any of the situations I've mentioned above I have a word of advice for you...You are FUCKED!. Your life is no longer your own, your money is no longer your own, you WILL be made to pay for someone else's choice's for up to 20 years and no one will give a hoot (accept you).
To all you guys out there, whether you are cruising for one night stands or in a long term relationship with a woman... The only way you can avoid this bullshit is to KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS
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