ADHD (1) & Me: Chaos, Clarity and Everything in Between
I was born in 1971 in Kent, UK. I grew up in a small village in a large family, with four older brothers and one younger. I went to the local village school until the age of 11, then started secondary school in Sittingbourne.
Throughout primary and secondary school, I was labelled a “problem child” or told that “I had a problem”. I was in trouble constantly.
Here was the pattern:
- I finished the work far quicker than everyone else.
- I got bored waiting, reading, or double-checking.
- I started messing about.
- I got thrown out of class and sent to the remedial unit.
Eventually, towards the end of my third year, I was pulled out of secondary school. I was forced into a job I didn’t want by my overbearing mother. By the age of 14, I’d been thrown out of my childhood home and was living on the streets.
For the next three or four years, I sofa-surfed, slept in untaxed, uninsured, un-MOT’d cars, and took whatever work I could get. I kept jobs until I inevitably messed them up: being late, taking days off without warning, “not listening”, and eventually getting sacked.
That pattern continued for many years. Decades, even.
Then, at around 30, things started to change. I found a job I actually enjoyed: writing code. I also met a woman who slowed me down and balanced me out.
By then I had three kids with two different women, and those relationships had fallen apart like the others.
At 35, I was driving a taxed, MOT’d, insured 2.5 V6 Vectra. I had a stable relationship and was earning about £1,600 a month take-home. On paper, I was in “full adult mode”.
But something still wasn’t right.
Something Still Felt Off
I kept working full time as a programmer and started travelling around Europe in my loud V6. My emotions were up and down like a yo-yo.
I tried to organise my life, but everything kept falling apart. I tried to untangle the spaghetti in my head every day. That’s why we’re good at coding. But over time, it just felt harder and harder.
The Realisation
In 2022, twenty years later, my partner and I were driving back from a camping trip in my VW van. We were talking about my son and daughter, both diagnosed with ADHD.
She found an ADHD test online and started firing questions at me.
I answered while driving too fast and fiddling with my phone and stereo at the same time.
After about twenty questions, it was clear:
Robert has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
A neurological wiring difference that typically includes:
- Inattention
- Hyperactivity
- Impulsivity
These can be broken down further, but that’s for another time.
That moment was like a light switching on.
All those years of being told I was a “problem child” or that I “just needed to try harder” suddenly made sense.
After all the criticism and character assassination by teachers, I realised:
I wasn’t the problem. I had a problem.
Not just one, either. Inattention and hyperactivity, combined.
What Comes Next
Next week, I’ll talk about what it’s like running your own business as an adult with ADHD.
If there’s anything you’d like me to cover in future videos, leave a comment and let me know.